Photos for the not faint of heart

WARNING!



GRAPHIC CONTENT BELOW!

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Pre-Op – Showing off my wrinkly elephant ear tummy – this is me sucking in.

Pre-Op – sucking in as much as I can.

Pre-Op Tummy – not sucking in, but not letting it all hang out either. Vanity thy name is woman!

Pre-Op side view. My 5 3/4 months pregnant look. The Doc took the 7 months pregnant Pre-Op shot. (It may or may not be added to these photos.)

1 Week Post-Op Drain obviously still in. This is the binder I keep talking about.

2 weeks Post-Op . New belly button (kind of looks like a butterfly here). New scar. Drain out. Still swollen. Scar quite thin.

2 Weeks Post-Op. Graphic representation of the scar. Nice and symmetrical though – it pays to have a Chief of Cosmetic Surgery on your team!

2 weeks Post-Op . Showing off bruises from liposuction. Drain came out on this side. Scar goes beyond the midline point of my hips.

4 1/2 weeks Post-Op. Still some swelling around pubic bone, belly button still red but less butterfly-like. Holy stomach definition Batman!

4 1/2 weeks Post-Op. Scar will remain red for 9-12 months, but after that won’t be so Frankenstein-esque. Some of my stretch marks can still be seen just above the incision.

4 1/2 weeks Post-Op. Side View.

NO PREGNANT TUMMY!! THANK YOU GRAN!

32 Days Post-Op

So now that I have been basking in the glow of being able to walk and enjoy baths for a few days, I have come to realize a few things:

Don't walk as much as you think you can. There is a difference between walking one's daughter and husband to their respective schools and "Power Walking" which is my usual mode of travel. On the weekend I found that my regular power walking had me pretty much exhausted 20 minutes from home and then I had another 20 minute walk back.

Don't sit in regular chairs if you can at all help it. The first couple of days after my 4 week mark saw me sitting rather than reclining. Not the best decision on my part. Standing is actually better for me than just sitting. Today I was back to reclining while I work and I'm feeling much better.

WEAR your binder. Somewhere around the 4-week mark, you will be told that you can now wear control-top panties instead of your binder. Just because you can, doesn't necessarily mean that you should. I spent Saturday afternoon/evening wearing control-top panties and was swollen and really uncomfortable by the end of the day. That day was combined with lots of sitting in the car and sitting in a theatre to see The Toxic Avenger: Musical (loads of fun!), but yesterday I wore my binder again and it was much better. And it was better in spite of the fact that I was singing at full-strength at my Sweeney Todd rehearsal, and spent 2 1/2 hours actively building a twig roof for our outdoor play structure. (I used the reciprocating saw, drilled, measured, carried lights twigs etc.) I was sure that when I took off my binder to have my shower at day's end that I would have been swollen beyond recognition, but I wasn't. I was tired, most definitely, but not as swollen as I'd been the day before wearing the control-top panties. I am thinking about creating a control-top pantie regime. Start with an hour on and increase it daily - that sort of thing. Or sleep with it on, since most people don't tend to expend lots of energy at night.

For those interested in TOO MUCH INFORMATION ... So you were wondering when it's okay to have sex? You'll have to go by how you feel (be 100% open and honest with your partner about discomfort), but I had sex for the first time post-op last night and... it was freaking great! (HURRAY!) David was a bit scared about hurting me (he didn't) so it began rather tentatively, but I have to say that waiting a month to have sex certainly made for a REALLY satisfying experience. REALLY satisfying. (Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more!)

The Doc said when I last saw her that you really do need the full 6 weeks to recover and I'm buying it, because when I try to go about my day as if I don't have a 19 inch scar across my abdomen, I start hurting and become exhausted. I'm loving the being able to walk, but I'm not going to push really hard. A collective sound of shock can be heard from all who know me well. Thankfully I'm in the luxurious position of having day-to-day work which involves typing and lots of phone calls. I can do that from the recliner in our family room using my laundry-folding board across the armrests. I don't have to run after little kids all day, I have a spouse and child who help with the heavier housework. To do this operation without help, without a family who is 100% supportive would be terrible. For those of you considering it, make sure that you've got a support system for at least the first month. Don't be a martyr. Lean on your people. They love you and want you to be healthy.

Cheers!
Heather

4 Weeks Post-Op

I was allowed to walk this morning! I walked Rissa to school with David and then walked David to the corner before heading home. If I had been allowed to skip all the way home in joy I would have.

Saw the Doc two days ago and she was very happy with my progress. She took out the last few undissolved stitches from my incision and belly button. The swelling above and below the incision is not terrible - although my pubic bone still has a bit of a Ken Doll look to it.

I finally gave her a thank you card. She had been wondering if she would get one seeing as the nurses and the anesthesiologist had received theirs at least a week ago. I explained that I hadn't been thankful until the night before so I didn't want to be dishonest. She laughed out loud and said that this card would be more heartfelt then.

I am finally allowed to walk. I am allowed to bathe. I am allowed to do Balance games on the Wii Fit. (I didn't share the fact that I might have slipped a couple Table Tilt games in here and there over the last month.) I am allowed to wear control top panties instead of the binder. I am NEVER allowed to do sit-ups again. Instead after the 6 week mark, I should do planks - for those of you who don't know what a plank is... You get on your elbows or hands and hold your feet behind you like for a push-up and you hold it for as long as you can - starting very small is a good thing for these. I shouldn't be jumping for a bit - so no raves for me for awhile.

But walking? Oh, to walk again more than just around the block? It was Heaven this morning. Pure Heaven. I did 10 minutes of games and a very slight half-moon and warrior pose in Yoga. And then I put an ice pack on my tummy. I will continue to do that sporadically throughout the day because it seemed to help last week so much.

So the night before I went in for my check up, I was getting ready for bed. I was pulling on the cotton tube (from the cut-off men's tank top) that I wear underneath the binder to make it more comfy and it was around my hips (covering the scar) when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Not having the scar visually screaming at me allowed me to see what my stomach and waist now look like. And they look good. Really good. So I looked up and said my first "Thank you Gran!" and truly meant it. In her memory, I wore my Gran's necklace to my appointment with the Doc. Several people commented on it. It has a gold chain and 7 white gold, yellow gold and amber gold tear-drops attached to it - one for each of her grandchildren and great- grandchildren. It had been a gift from my parents to her on her 90th birthday.

After my appointment, I had an afternoon visit with a good friend I hadn't seen since June and I got to experience her special brand of hug which is one of the best I have enjoyed in my life. Spent the night with two other friends and their son which was great. The next morning I shopped at Zellers for control-top panties. Because of course, I had left the 4 pairs of control-top panties that I already own, at home. I changed into the black pair of large panties and went to meet another friend for lunch. My period was kind enough to start the night before so I had to stock up on pads and tampons and on the drive over to meet my friend I was cramping like crazy and feeling a little bruised and unsupported wearing the control-top panties. I got to his place and changed into the Medium panties and felt a little better, but was pretty exhausted from my adventures over the past 24 hours. I'd walked a couple of times the day before and had been sitting, not reclining when visiting with friends. I was supposed to stay in town to speak about my surrogacy experiences for a group of Daddies and Papas 2 Be for the 519 Community Centre in Toronto. The reason I had stayed overnight was to be part of the panel. The prospect of finding a way to keep myself occupied and NOT being able to lie down for 6 hours was more than I could handle. I called to cancel that evening's event and drove home early, feeling guilty, but recognizing that I needed to rest. I hit traffic on my way out of Toronto so the drove home took 2 hours instead of an hour and a quarter. I kept praying for constant driving instead of the stopping and starting. We have a standard and my right leg was killing me - once I could use the cruise control it made it a lot easier. Apparently, my pansy-assed, un-exercised body gets sore from driving now.

I was all excited to get home and surprise David and Rissa. I arrived and the house was empty but for cats, who although happy to see me, weren't quite the reception I had been hoping for. I knew that David was supposed to be giving blood after school that day, so drove to the Community Centre where the blood donor clinic was, but they had already left. I didn't see them on the drive home - so checked my email and logged onto Facebook before they got home. They were very happy to have me home early and I got lots of hugs and kisses from Rissa. I enjoyed my first bath since the operation - nice and hot and it felt SO good. Before putting my binder on (I'd decided that maybe I might just wear it a bit more for support) I tried on some of my bikini panties that I haven't worn for four and a half years. I said some more heartfelt "Thank you Gran!"s before snuggling in front of Big Bang Theory with my amazing daughter and husband. Everyone went to bed early and I woke with more energy than I have experienced since the operation.

Today I am planning on some heavy-duty writing and I am reclining while listening to some Bowie. It's a good day!

Cheers!
Heather

21 Days Post Op

I have made it to the three week mark. Before I actually blog I want to put some good vibes out there for Andrea Ross - Andrea you are healthy in body, mind and spirit!

I remain relatively sane (apart from the wanting to cry over spilled yogurt earlier in the week) and in next to no pain now. Sneezing is now manageable. I've really been taking it easy this week so that I don't balloon up with fluid. You'd think that with all this dedicated sitting on my ass time I'd have finished one of the novels I'm working on. I haven't. I'm procrastinating in a major way. I'm not sure why. I just find it so much easier to play Scramble on Facebook and do the music trainer programs that I found online. There's this incredibly cool site where you can test yourself on keys, notes and keyboard knowledge. http://www.8notes.com/games/I've been spending lots (and I mean LOTS) of time on it since its discovery. I am determined to teach myself how to read music. Well, with the help of David who can actually read music. I'm pretty good at the treble and bass clefs, but my brain does turn to mush after doing it for awhile. You're probably not supposed to do it for over an hour at a time. See? Major procrastination.

Went to my second rehearsal for Sweeney Todd last night. Nice to be able to sing without straining my stomach muscles. Did some minor blocking and bugged out early. The Beggar Woman doesn't do much other than skulk around - figured out my blocking and walked home in the nice cool October air. It's so nice to be able to stand up tall once more - not quite at the point where I can arch my back, but it's so much better than it was!

The Neo Citrin and sleeping pills alternated with the Neo Citrin and valerian have been helping me deal with my cold and sleeplessness. Last night I tried for the first time to sleep on my back sans wedge pillow with just two pillows under my knees. Fell asleep just fine, but the pillows shifted and my back and stomach were a bit sore this morning. I'm going to try tying the pillows together for tonight so that they'll stay put.

Today I've been using an icepack on top of the binder. I don't know if it's doing any good, but it sure feels nice. I mean, I'm just sitting here, I may as well multi-task while typing.

I really need to wash the binder. There's a bit of a conundrum though. I can't dry it in the dryer, so that means that I'm relegated to the wearing of control top panties while it dries and the elasticity of all of those types of panties isn't anywhere close to the firm elasticity of the binder. Maybe if I wash the binder right before bed one night and leave it to dry on the radiator while I just sleep in the panties? Maybe if wear two pairs of those panties? This is what I have been reduced to - pantie talk. Yeesh. I have to say that I'm looking forward to the days (in 3 short weeks) when I'll be able to wear regular underwear. This isn't unlike those last few weeks of pregnancy - the waiting. I'm waiting to see what the Doc will say on Tuesday. I'm waiting to wear regular panties. I'm waiting to do sit ups. I'm waiting for my scar to heal, for my belly button stitches to properly dissolve.

What a luxurious position I'm in. I'm allowed to watch tv and read and blog all day if I want - I need a perspective shift. I'm doing what needs to be done for me right now. The more I stick to what I should be doing, the less time the healing will take. Other people have so much worse shit to be dealing with. It's time to get a grip and suck it up. If this is the most terrible thing to be troubling me? I've got a pretty freaking good life. It's good to remember that.

Okay, before I forget... I was reading another person's blog about her tummy tuck. This girl is now planning on getting pregnant. It is strongly recommended that you should NEVER have a tummy tuck if you are planning to get pregnant after that - all that recuperation will have been for naught. I guess if you've got unlimited funds and you don't mind having to go through this sort of painful thing all over again, but really? This sort of operation is for when you have FINISHED having kids - or you never plan on having them. Why would anyone ever do this twice? I guess if you happen to have an OB and a plastic surgeon in the family you could have a c-section/tummy tuck at the same time the second time around, but... nuh-unh once is definitely enough for me.

Cheers!
Heather

19 Days Post Op

Yesterday I was feeling pretty darned good and went for a walk with David all the way down to the marina and back. Then last night I went out for a girls' night to see Whip It (excellent film I've decided that my roller derby name will be Red Zeppelin) with some friends. Sitting mostly straight up wasn't too bad. When I got home last night I decided to take a gander at my tummy and noticed that right above my incision my skin wasn't as tight and was a little warm to the touch. When I showed David he poked around a bit to feel the difference at my midline and around my hips and said "Yeah, you seem more swollen here." Then he gave me his best "What have I been telling you?" look. (A look that I have seen many times during the course of this recovery - three times this morning alone.)

It was agreed (he ordered me) that I would call the Doc this morning and ask what I should do - I had a sneaky suspicion that I might need to be aspirated. I walked 4 blocks towards Rissa's school today whereupon I acquiesced and turned around to come home. I started the laundry that David had brought down for me. This process involved a lot of squatting up and down so that I wasn't carrying lots of clothing weight in my arms, which probably isn't good for me either. (It's only laundry for heaven's sake!)

At 9:02 a.m. I called the Doc's office and spoke to Jane (the receptionist) and gave her my symptoms and HURRAH! she said that it was normal and not to worry. She recommended that I take it easy and that I have the binder as tight as I can stand it so that what fluid is there can be reabsorbed. I have an appointment for next Tuesday, but if anything changes - if I'm in pain or it gets red or I have a fever I should call immediately. So that's good news. She did reiterate that I should limit my activity until then.

Okay, may I just say that I may go squirrely before the 4-week mark? I am not a sitter-downer, a lounger or a recliner. I like to move and now that my energy level is better I'm having a hard time with the little to no movement orders. I understand that my body is still healing and that I need to give it time and I wouldn't be so upset if my lack of exercise wasn't affecting my sleep. This morning I did not have my one coffee so that there wouldn't be any extra caffeine in my system - which I hope might help me when it comes time to turn the lights off. I had to take 2 Valerian last night and it still took awhile for me to fall asleep. David's going to source some more non-prescription sleeping aids for me after school today.

My mid-morning snack almost made me lose it. I had a bowl of granola and yogurt on the shelf that I am using as a table on the recliner, and as I was moving it to the side so that I could lower myself into the recliner it tipped over and there was granola and yogurt all over the carpet in the family room. ALL OVER. And I'm NOT supposed to vacuum. So the granola is still all over the carpet. I did grab a cloth to wipe up the yogurt, but I'll bet there's still some yogurt lurking in there, just waiting to get smelly. And I'm not allowed to clean it. And that makes me a little cuckoo. Because I feel like I'm okay, I'm not exhausted, it doesn't hurt to get up - there's only moderate discomfort when I sneeze now - and really, I think that I am doing pretty darned well except for this little squooshy bit of stomach - I swear that it's only about an inch wide by six inches long - it could be so much worse... and I feel like I can handle doing a half hour's walk and I know that it would help me sleep, but I'm NOT SUPPOSED TO!

So now that I have done my best impression of a peevish sheep I shall now talk about what is really good... This morning I was able to lie on my side for more than 5 minutes! I got to snuggle with David, actually spoon with him this morning and that was pretty freaking awesome I have to say. And because I'm not supposed to do anything active, perhaps I can practice the lying on my side as my exercise for the next week and a half until I get to the 4-week mark. And maybe David might even be able to spoon me (I don't even mean that as a euphemism - I really just want to spoon) and that would be the absolutely best!
Cheers!
Heather

17 Days Post Op

Wonderful Thanksgiving dinner yesterday - I am a spoiled rotten bunny whose mother is one of the best cooks in the galaxy.

Today I enjoyed another shower and I am pleased to report that my stomach is not quite as numb. I was able to wash my own incision and belly button with only moderate grossing out. My body continues to be bruised both above and below the incision line. This is to be expected, from all reports. The incision is red and angry looking. And why wouldn't it be? That's a lot of skin to be stitched together no wonder it shouts "GRRRRRR!"

I remain quite impressed with how small the actual scar is. By that I mean its width, not the 19 inch length. I have many scars on my body. I was a terribly accident prone child. In my scarring I have varying degrees of attractiveness. The scar on my chin from when I split my chin open is very fine (maybe 2 mm), the one on my ankle from when I fell through the glass table is wider (maybe 6-7 mm). I was kind of expecting this scar to resemble more the 4-5 mm, but right now it looks fairly tight and in the 2 mm mark.

Another thing that I've noticed now that I'm not overly creeped out by looking at my body, is that the scar itself stretches across the entire front of my body to pretty much the midline of my hips. From the side view you will definitely notice the tail ends of the scar wending their way across my body. As I had a lot of extra skin and tissue in the front the Doc probably had to cut a little wider so that I wouldn't end up with pleats in my stitches. It will apparently take several months (maybe as many as 6-9) before the scar will flatten out and become less noticeable.

After my first pregnancy when I gained 50 lbs, it took me 4 years to truly get back into shape. Four long years at varying degrees of exercising and healthful eating. I remember when I did finally get back down to my regular weight (which is probably around 150 lbs) that people would ask me "How did you do it? Are you doing Atkins? No carbs?" They were invariably stunned when I would say "I'm eating sensibly and exercising more."

There are no quick fixes to anything. There is no magic pill, no one exercise you can do. You can't lose fat in one spot. It all takes time if you're going to maintain your body and health afterward. This is no different. I will still have months of recuperation from this. Possibly a year before I'm completely happy with the results. Yes, with the operation I immediately lost approximately 3 lbs of skin and tissue but this stomach will take months to heal.

I was always a girl who would suck in. Always. I spent YEARS sucking in. I blame it on the spring that I stole money from my parents (and any visiting relative) when I was 11. I stole money and because I couldn't purchase anything with it to actually HAVE as a souvenir, I went to the Tasty Twirl on the main street and I had ice cream. Every day. For around 8 weeks. And that is officially when I began to have issues with my weight. Crime does not pay. At some point around that time I stopped listening to my internal voice that told me when I was full. Possibly through an addiction to the fat and sugar in all those soft ice cream cones that I ingested, or maybe just laziness. Interestingly enough I think it was that summer too when I started to suffer from bouts of depression.

It always amazes me that Rissa can have a piece of cake in front of her - a piece of decadent chocolate cake with delectable icing slathered all over it and she can have 2 bites and be done. She is still listening to her body. She's 9. I've had to relearn that instinct. Having been brought up in the generation of "Clean your plate, or you don't get dessert," I am quite accustomed to eating everything in my sight. As a mother it gets worse because you inevitably finish what is on your child's plate as well so that the food is not wasted. For the past several months I've been trying to listen to that internal voice letting me know that I am done, that I no longer need to fill my stomach. It's called mindful eating. If I want to ensure that this stomach that I have bought and paid for does not morph back into something that I am ashamed of, I have to pay attention. I have to be proactive. I have to be present and listen to my body.

I started having dizzy spells when I was 14 years old. Hypo Glycemia was bandied about, but I have never been officially diagnosed as having the condition. Only last year did I acknowledge that when I eat foods that are bad for me, I pay a price. I had known that for me sugar was not good. I had known simple carbohydrates were not good. Yet, I continued to eat them and always suffered for it.

I now know some things: To maintain my blood sugar, I need to snack throughout the day. Just little bits of food - some protein with some carbohydrates, not more than 200 calories, but if I don't snack, I either get completely loopy or feel nauseated. I can't have caffeine after noon. If I do, I can't sleep at night. Not sleeping at night affects me to such an extent that I had to make a change and I now avoid caffeine. I know that I can get drunk on a caramel sundae by the third swallow. Now every once in a while, I'm still choosing to have that caramel sundae - but I am choosing that and I fully recognize that when I make that choice I'm pretty much out of commission after I do.

You hit your late 30s and early 40s and you have to take stock. Do you want to be that 60 year old who can't move because of arthritis and bursitis and rheumatism? Do you want to have problems with cholesterol? Do you want to be that statistical 52 year old who dies of a heart attack? I decided that I didn't. I want to be that 85 year old who people marvel at - like my own Granny who is 101 now. I want to remain active and still be walking my 5-10 k in a morning. I want to devour LIFE - not food.

Whoa. That was quite a tangent, wasn't it? Not a lot of that had to do with the tummy tuck. But it had to do with choices. I made a choice to have a tummy tuck, and it's just one of the choices that I have made and will continue to make to keep myself healthy.

Cheers!
Heather

16 Days Post Op

I am almost standing completely straight! Or at least to an outside viewer that's what it looks like. Numbness in the tummy continues to freak me out, but this standing up straighter thing is pretty freakin' great! I can't arch my back yet and last night I woke in some discomfort due to my shifting position in bed. We brought the wedge pillows with us to my parents' house, but sometime in the night my back skootched down and my knees becamse flatter and then my tummy started saying "Hey! Hey you there, sleeping - I'm not ready for this much flatness in bed! Skootch the ?!&^# up!" By that time it was 6:52 and I could hear my Mom downstairs making the coffee so I couldn't get back to sleep - I might miss something. Every visit to my parents' place seems like Christmas. I've gotta say that enjoying time spent with relatives is a beautiful thing!! And I'm lucky in that regard on SO many levels!

Double checked with David and he thinks that some of the swelling has gone down, but I definitely remain swollen both above and below the incision. I got him to push against my pubic bone today and he confirmed that it has more, uh, padding there then it usually has. How many other husbands out there do this for their wives? As soon as I am physically able, this man is going to... well let's just say I hope to make him happy in MANY ways.

Yesterday I did try to take it easy. I truncated my morning walk, I tried not to get up and down so much, except that I kept forgetting to have stuff on the table next to my recliner. I forgot the phone and had to get up for it. I forgot the remote and had to get up for it. I forgot my glasses, my water and arnica pellets. (All at different times.) Maybe some of my brain was sucked out in the drain too? Babysat a miniatrue schnauzer named Ziggy yesterday who was terrorized by Colby but then in turn terrorized Minuit - so I guess the circle of life is alive and well in our home. I wrote 2 pages in my vampire novel - I think that watching True Blood has been helpful - of course it's all research ;-)

We travelled the 2 1/4 hours to my parents' place last night after Rissa's dance classes. In spite of being able to recline in the front seat, not have my knees up made the journey a bit difficult. I could really feel my tummy by the time we got to my parents' house. I showed off my battle scars and Mom was impressed with how much I had improved in the last week - so that's good.

Today we will be preparing the Thanksgiving dinner - I'm making my sweet potato casserole - which is about the best thing ever. It's so yummy that I frequently eat the leftovers for breakfast . You take 3-4 cups of mashed sweet potatoes, 1/4 c butter/ margarine (I use less) some white sugar (1/3 cup or less), 2 eggs, some vanilla, 1/2 tsp of nutmeg and 1/2 tsp cinnamon, pinch of salt. Top it with a mixture of 1/4 c butter (I use less) , 1/4 c flour and 1/2 cup of brown sugar (I use less) - I add in another 1/2 cup of ground pecans as well for protein and you bake it for 30 minutes at 350. It is to die for and I'm sure realtively good for you because of all of the anti-oxidents in the sweet potatoes. Happy Thanksgiving!

Cheers!
Heather