17 Days Post Op

Wonderful Thanksgiving dinner yesterday - I am a spoiled rotten bunny whose mother is one of the best cooks in the galaxy.

Today I enjoyed another shower and I am pleased to report that my stomach is not quite as numb. I was able to wash my own incision and belly button with only moderate grossing out. My body continues to be bruised both above and below the incision line. This is to be expected, from all reports. The incision is red and angry looking. And why wouldn't it be? That's a lot of skin to be stitched together no wonder it shouts "GRRRRRR!"

I remain quite impressed with how small the actual scar is. By that I mean its width, not the 19 inch length. I have many scars on my body. I was a terribly accident prone child. In my scarring I have varying degrees of attractiveness. The scar on my chin from when I split my chin open is very fine (maybe 2 mm), the one on my ankle from when I fell through the glass table is wider (maybe 6-7 mm). I was kind of expecting this scar to resemble more the 4-5 mm, but right now it looks fairly tight and in the 2 mm mark.

Another thing that I've noticed now that I'm not overly creeped out by looking at my body, is that the scar itself stretches across the entire front of my body to pretty much the midline of my hips. From the side view you will definitely notice the tail ends of the scar wending their way across my body. As I had a lot of extra skin and tissue in the front the Doc probably had to cut a little wider so that I wouldn't end up with pleats in my stitches. It will apparently take several months (maybe as many as 6-9) before the scar will flatten out and become less noticeable.

After my first pregnancy when I gained 50 lbs, it took me 4 years to truly get back into shape. Four long years at varying degrees of exercising and healthful eating. I remember when I did finally get back down to my regular weight (which is probably around 150 lbs) that people would ask me "How did you do it? Are you doing Atkins? No carbs?" They were invariably stunned when I would say "I'm eating sensibly and exercising more."

There are no quick fixes to anything. There is no magic pill, no one exercise you can do. You can't lose fat in one spot. It all takes time if you're going to maintain your body and health afterward. This is no different. I will still have months of recuperation from this. Possibly a year before I'm completely happy with the results. Yes, with the operation I immediately lost approximately 3 lbs of skin and tissue but this stomach will take months to heal.

I was always a girl who would suck in. Always. I spent YEARS sucking in. I blame it on the spring that I stole money from my parents (and any visiting relative) when I was 11. I stole money and because I couldn't purchase anything with it to actually HAVE as a souvenir, I went to the Tasty Twirl on the main street and I had ice cream. Every day. For around 8 weeks. And that is officially when I began to have issues with my weight. Crime does not pay. At some point around that time I stopped listening to my internal voice that told me when I was full. Possibly through an addiction to the fat and sugar in all those soft ice cream cones that I ingested, or maybe just laziness. Interestingly enough I think it was that summer too when I started to suffer from bouts of depression.

It always amazes me that Rissa can have a piece of cake in front of her - a piece of decadent chocolate cake with delectable icing slathered all over it and she can have 2 bites and be done. She is still listening to her body. She's 9. I've had to relearn that instinct. Having been brought up in the generation of "Clean your plate, or you don't get dessert," I am quite accustomed to eating everything in my sight. As a mother it gets worse because you inevitably finish what is on your child's plate as well so that the food is not wasted. For the past several months I've been trying to listen to that internal voice letting me know that I am done, that I no longer need to fill my stomach. It's called mindful eating. If I want to ensure that this stomach that I have bought and paid for does not morph back into something that I am ashamed of, I have to pay attention. I have to be proactive. I have to be present and listen to my body.

I started having dizzy spells when I was 14 years old. Hypo Glycemia was bandied about, but I have never been officially diagnosed as having the condition. Only last year did I acknowledge that when I eat foods that are bad for me, I pay a price. I had known that for me sugar was not good. I had known simple carbohydrates were not good. Yet, I continued to eat them and always suffered for it.

I now know some things: To maintain my blood sugar, I need to snack throughout the day. Just little bits of food - some protein with some carbohydrates, not more than 200 calories, but if I don't snack, I either get completely loopy or feel nauseated. I can't have caffeine after noon. If I do, I can't sleep at night. Not sleeping at night affects me to such an extent that I had to make a change and I now avoid caffeine. I know that I can get drunk on a caramel sundae by the third swallow. Now every once in a while, I'm still choosing to have that caramel sundae - but I am choosing that and I fully recognize that when I make that choice I'm pretty much out of commission after I do.

You hit your late 30s and early 40s and you have to take stock. Do you want to be that 60 year old who can't move because of arthritis and bursitis and rheumatism? Do you want to have problems with cholesterol? Do you want to be that statistical 52 year old who dies of a heart attack? I decided that I didn't. I want to be that 85 year old who people marvel at - like my own Granny who is 101 now. I want to remain active and still be walking my 5-10 k in a morning. I want to devour LIFE - not food.

Whoa. That was quite a tangent, wasn't it? Not a lot of that had to do with the tummy tuck. But it had to do with choices. I made a choice to have a tummy tuck, and it's just one of the choices that I have made and will continue to make to keep myself healthy.

Cheers!
Heather