81 Hours Post Op

I coughed while mainlining the 5th season of Grey's Anatomy and felt like I might die. Due to my period I'm a little more weepy than usual and watching the doctors at Seattle Grace having to live their lives - to kill or not kill Prisoners on Death Row, 10 year olds who almost die of liver transplants, friends who fight for each other... forces me to reach for the tissues but I can't really blow my nose because that too takes my core muscles and I can't use them. The earlier part of the day I can stand straighter than at the latter part of the day. David purchased one of those chair massager thingies that can massage your butt, your back and shoulders - maybe that might help taking the numbness out of my ass.

So I spent $6,600 to voluntarily cause myself weeks' worth of pain. How many pairs of SPANX could I have bought instead? I'm really, really, REALLY hoping that in a month's time, when I'm no longer hopped up on pills and/or in pain and/or can stand up straight that I will look at my flat stomach and think "It was all worth it. Those days and days and days of pain the I suffered through, the sleepless night, the backed up bowels? All of that will fade into the past as I gaze at my new taut tummy." Right?

I mean, I know that I will forget the pain - I certainly did forget the pain of the c-section - that's why I was crazy enough to do this surgery to begin with - witness my previous posts... But this thing that I have done ALL for me - because David certainly didn't want me to do it - he supported me, but loves me as I was and wasn't grossed out by all my woobliness and cottage cheesiness.

Mostly this surgery was done so that I will not have people conversationally asking me on a quarterly basis when my baby is due. I can't tell you what it does to a woman's self-esteem - especially when you really think you look great on a particular day - when somebody asks how far along you are. If all goes well after this, I will no longer have people asking me that question.

I look at my body, bound in its tenser bandage girdle and it seems smaller, but I do have to say that I'm still a little afraid to open up the binding to see. I'm itchy and kind of tingly in places I didn't think I had stitches - I think that some of that is from where they stuck me with a needle to do the liposuction.

And for the TMI portion of the blog
DO NOT READ IF YOU GET AT ALL QUEASY!!
The drain? Has bits of things in it. Pieces of ME along with the, uh... fluid. I'm just saying - if you don't like stuff like this? Lots of pain and bits of your own personal body tissue bobbing in a drainage tube - a tummy tuck may not be the thing for you. You might want to calculate how much really sexy underwear that you can buy that will camouflage that area of your body.

Apparently I'm wallowing in the self-doubting part of recovery, but that something else you should know about. Because that will happen as well. All will be well though, because my mother arrives tomorrow at lunch time and will probably say "Snap out of it!" and shake her head and laugh and cook me great food and give me gentle hugs and play word games with me. It'll all be good, but right now? I'm still wallowing - just so you know.

Cheers!
Heather